Clarice's Journal

Time to Say Goodbye

2009-04-14T16:38:39Z

My first true heartbreak. I know, I promised to him, to me, to everyone, that it wouldn't get too serious, that I would be able to accept it in the end. But for someone who has never faced it, when the real moment comes, it's a sudden plummet from the world you used to know into a very dark and lonely place.

We were together every day since I came back to Japan. During the last month, I was in his room every night, sleeping beside him. To my surprise, I wasn't tired of it. I loved it. We got into fights though; it was the beginning of March when he tried to break up with me. But I fought on and on, and finally managed to convince him to continue. And after that I think I had the best month of my life that I've spent with someone.

He never wavered in his decision to break up when it was time for him to go. The last night with him was possible one of the worst in my life so far... the pleading, the tears, the feeling of the inevitability of what will happen. I don't think I've cried so much these days as I have ever... He said many cruel things to me. My friends tell me that it is not what he really believes... he was crying the whole night as well.. but just the fact that he said them makes me feel so miserable. "i don't want to be with you" "we have no future together" "i don't want to try because we are doomed from the start".....

But I remember. Every day he would smile at me and give me a morning kiss. The way we held each other... more intimate than anything I have ever felt. How he would run by my desk after his every class and ask me to go to the convenience store with him... how he would say 'ganbatte' every time I went to my desk... how we would watch movies and tv shows together and laugh together... how he would give me 150 kisses for no reason... how he would suddenly lift me up and carry me down the stairs.... how he wouldn't let me out of bed in the morning and consequently skip all his morning classes...

It has been a beautiful romantic dream for me, something I would have never imagined a year ago.
I know it's impossible it can last like this, but I didn't want to let go. I don't think there will be another person as passionate as him again for me... and that makes me very sad.

I know I have to move on. But the thing I'm worried about the most is that I will forget about him and he will forget about me. My only assurance is that I made us write a diary of our days together in the weeks before we parted... We are missing many days... but the records I do have I want to keep in my heart.

My Canadian friend who lives in the same dorm as me invited me to his room the last few days, and has tried to cheer me up, despite the fact he leaves tomorrow. But he helped me so much yesterday. If not for him, I think I would be crying my eyes out right now. He told me basically everything my boy said... and I think hearing from him, I realize it is impossible and unfair for me to expect anything more now that there is distance between us, especially since he is so much younger than me. It hurts, but I know it's the truth.

So I am past the state of denial now. I need to somehow deal with my emotions.
Everyone is telling me it's okay to cry... so I will do it without feeling ashamed. And everyone has stories that are like this... some have ended happy and some sad. Now is the time to find myself... like how I was trying before I met him.

I'm starting to cry now, but I won't give up. Because if there's anything I've learned the last few days, is that my friends, here in Japan and those back in Canada, are willing to support and listen to me, and tell me their stories, and give me their advice. I'm so grateful.

I'll need time... but I hope I will be able to move on yet not regret a single second of what has elapsed in the past months.

1 more month...

2009-03-10T13:22:29Z

... until he leaves :(

The knowledge we have to break up soon is so awful, you can really feel the clock ticking as each minute goes by.

I still haven't found a fulltime job. But I am doing a bit part time teaching (self-employed, teaching at starbucks) I think I will be coming back home as planned after all...

ARGNESS

2009-02-02T14:26:58Z

So I've been waiting 2 weeks for my alien card and I picked it up today, as soon as it was ready. I went immediately after work to go to enter a cellphone contract, because now I can since I have the card. I got rejected because the alien card says I'm on short-term stay for 3 months only... WTF. I told the lady at the ward office I would stay for 6 months, same as I told immigration at the office. I explained and showed Softbank my visa and alien card renewal date (after 1 year) and they still refused, saying if the 'length of stay' field was short-term, they would reject it immediately. WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE because they don't even give alien cards to short-term visitors, because you are not granted an alien card without a visa, and visas do not last that short!! AUGHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, that was my crappy bureaucratic story. Tomorrow I'm heading off to the ward again.. if they make me wait 2 weeks again I'm sort of screwed because I need a phone here to get on with finding jobs and such... people are telling me to just get a prepaid one, which I might... but it's kind of.. not what I wanted, since it's so much more expensive. Bleh.

On Sunday my Japanese lady friend invited me to her local temple to participate in Setsubun, which is the festival before Spring (Feb 3... my bday!! :D) Usually it is marked by people throwing beans at the devil to chase all the evilness out. We had something like that on the Friday at school but it kind of was a mini-riot with angry (well not really.. but definitely hungry for blood) students hurling the beans at the students deemed demons. Me and Dutch boy (other invitees canceled) were treated like special guests. We got to be one of the few who threw the beans/candy at everyone (in this temple, there's no demon, candy is just thrown at the crowd). There were about 200 people at the ceremony, which consisted of Buddhist sutra (wow it was long!!), some speeches, bean throwing, and prize giving (there were over 100 prizes.. I won an expensive hand-made dish). At the end, we were both made to give a speech in front of the crowd (which my friend did not tell me until it was too late). Omgggg it was SO SCARY. JAPANESE LANGUAGE FAIL!!! Besides that, it was great fun though :)

The school is trying to make me answer the phone in reception. I don't think they understand it's the most terrifying thing to do for me. You have to speak in keigo, which is okay, because a staff member gave me a script to follow... but when they start talking to me everything goes blank and I have no idea what they say... and then they are like 'uhhh.. can you transfer me to someone else'... I'm like 'see... this is why you shouldn't do it...' They also send me to do random tasks too, like going to post office or picking up parcels. Which I suppose I don't mind, because everything in Japanese is a challenge :P but I imagine if I knew the language it would be really annoying.

Hahaha wow I sound really irritated :)
But even if they reject me at the ward tomorrow it should still be okay because I'm going on a date for my birthday and we're gonna see revolutionary road which will make me soooo depressed but i wanted to see it anyway and eat indian food so it's all YAYS (i hope :P haha)

The First Week

2009-01-24T04:34:34Z

Well, it's been a week back to Japan now! I can't believe time has already passed so much.

The plane ride over here was largely uneventful. I must note that the overseas Air Canada airplanes are very nicely redecorated. Instead of all the personal screens not working, like on all the short-haul AC planes I've been on, these ones all worked and the first class had sleeping pods. The cabin lights changed color regularly... I'm not sure if there's a pattern but I saw it go blue, green, purple, red during the flight... I'm such a sucker for color lights hahaha! :D

Customs was the smoothest I've ever experienced in Japan. I just said I had working holiday and everyone let me go through with no questions.

When I arrived at Fukuoka airport, someone was waiting for me ^--^ My new dorm room is maybe 10% smaller than my previous one (it's a few doors down) but it's the same layout so I'm setting up everything like the way it was before. I was pretty tired but the first night was nice<3

I didn't have work the next day but I had class, which was at 11.30. I had a leisurely breakfast and then went to school, where I was greeted by my friends <3

I started work on Tuesday. There's quite a lot of stuff I need to do and I think the director's quite ambitious in setting up various projects, so I think I'll be plenty busy. I was directed to sit behind the reception area, which is really nice, as people can talk to me as they come and go from class. There are several teachers who I am more friendly with, and they are being really welcoming to me. Although it is kind of weird, since I am the lowest in the organizational structure, so I'm really unsure how to act. In class, I talk very casual. But now I am trying to speak polite when I am working and be humble. I'm not really sure how good of a job I'm doing. They also want me to answer the phone, which I'm deathly scared of. :( They got me to take over for a bit yesterday (some of my friends decided to prank call me during that time :( )

As far as job hunting goes, I am sort of putting it off. A phone is highly important when applying for anything and I don't have one yet. I don't have one yet because I need an alien card to enter into a cellphone contract (which is cheaper than prepaid over a period of several months) and the alien card will not be ready until a week and a half. So I think I will just settle into this intern stuff a bit first.

I need to be careful though because I'm already spending way too much money. I'm indulging myself with 600 yen breakfasts every day because I'm quite in love with the cafe next to my school. I skipped lunch this week but I spend about 1200 yen on dinners and the occasional 400 yen Starbucks. I know I should get rid of the coffee but that's where everyone hangs out. Ughh. Not to mention 2000 yen on Fridays and other social events. AHH SO POOR!

But otherwise, I'm really happy. Well, except for the fact everyone I got to know from before is leaving February-March, and by then 90% of all the friends I made will be gone. :( But I've spent every day with my boy and it's been so fun, so I guess I must cherish them while I can.

Almost time...

2009-01-15T05:04:23Z

Three more days until I set off for Nippon once again. The past month has gone by so quick yet so slow! This time I am not sure how long I'm staying for... but already I know I've packed too much stuff...the luggage is about to explode, even though a lot of it consists of Canadian omiyage. I have to remember to copy my resume and other important documents across... who knows when I can reach the information again! (well, I guess I can always just call my brother up...)

My last day of work is this Friday. My boss is being exceptionally nice to me; I was really, really worried for the longest time. Rumour has spread incredibly quickly around the office about me leaving... I'm still sort of pretending I'm not to those who don't know so I think everyone's going to be confused in general. I haven't told my officemate yet. I think there are some people who understand, and some people who totally don't get it... but that's okay, because I don't really get it either! My logical, sane side is sort of panicking right now... but I try to remind myself that if I never talked to the Genkijacs school director about the internship, I would've regretted it for the rest of my life.

So, 'internship' consists of me helping the school with tasks such as website design, documentation, etc. In Japan, internships are unpaid, and this one is no exception. However, I get free accommodation (at the same dorm I stayed at last time), a train pass, and 10 hours of free lessons every week. This is a 20 hour/week job so I'm hoping to find some sort of part-time job in between. The internship will last at least 3 months but probably 6 months. If I still like Japan at the end of 6 months, I'll try finding a more permanent job by applying to computer-related positions, which will most probably be in Tokyo. I haven't really thought that far yet, in terms of what to do if I get a job, passport renewal, visa application, etc. I'm hoping if I get any luck the companies will sort it out.

Some side worries- finding a doctor for female issues, getting clothes for business environment should I need it, wondering if I should buy or rent a phone, remembering to copy all projects I'm working on (stories, music, art) onto this computer, learn website design (HA HA HA...I'm so rusty and out with the times), how to not panic because I no longer have a salary

Most people are being really supportive, both in Calgary and Japan. But I can't believe I'm going so sooooon!!!

The Year in Review

2009-01-01T01:58:49Z

It's the last day of the year 2008! Time for some self-reflection and forecasts for the coming year!

This year really went by in a flash. As I flip through my datebook (which Jess kindly gave me earlier this year), I see that I was busy almost every day, which is a really good thing! :) I am so grateful for all my friends for hanging out with me - I see so many weeks with dinners and karaoke and birthdays and coffee outings, it's really amazing how you guys want to hang out with me!! I also saw some really good concerts this year, including Sonata Arctica, Nightwish, and Oasis. And lots of movies, from really good (Batman! Wally!) to downright bad- but fun, like Doomsday hahaha.

My best memory from early in the year was my birthday, and how many people actually showed up. I was so happy then. ^^

May was the pivotal month for me. When I came back from my Japan/China trip, I decided to have some Michelina's microwave macaroni and cheese for a quick after-trip lunch. I promptly got food poisoned and dropped 10 pounds. It was then I realized I liked the weight I was dropped down to, and decided to try my best to keep it. This launched a crazy summer of nonstop exercise. I wonder if I can duplicate the intensity again LOL ... I jogged/worked out every single day and even woke up at 5 some days to run even though I only got 4 hours sleep. Sadly, I doubt I can reproduce this intensity again... I gained back about 5 pounds but so far I've managed to keep that intact (give or take some bad days). In Japan, I only worked out twice a week, so I've calmed down a bit, not to mention it's not fun to job outside in -20 degree weather in Calgary. I also stopped with tracking my calories daily.. although I have inherited the habit of judging every food by its calories now.

In the intellectual front, I took Chinese lessons with my coworker earlier this year, but starting skipping classes. So. I guess I have no knack of Chinese (unless I'm forced to, I think it's a dead end for now).

After I came back from my trip in May, it was one evening when it occurred to me, that NOW was the time to go to Japan. There would never be a time again to study it. I remember the night when I was frantically searching for language schools and being so depressed when my mom turned down the idea. But I persisted and eventually decided to go to Japan to study for the JLPT.

So, there follows my trip to Japan in late September. The entire experience... wow.. the best I've ever had in my life. There was never a time when I met so many open-minded, friendly people, both Japanese and non-Japanese. My Japanese vocabulary improved considerably, and though my conversation is still lacking, and I am quite certain I failed the JLPT, I would've never been able to gain the experience without going to the country itself. Even people who saw me from the start, and were still there by the time I left, said I really opened up. I think I learned to have fun there, to really let go and not care what anyone else things. Of course, it's not a state I can be in all the time, but even if I am like that 25% of the time, I think it's a major improvement! And I've never kissed so many people as I did in Japan... LOL

In summary, 2008 was a year of socializing and expanding friendships. I feel so lucky to have people around me. Even if they don't know me, even if I may never see the people I meet again, if a person has been nice to me and listened to what I had to say, I am very grateful.

I'm aware a lot of things happened in the world this year, a lot of bad things, a lot of sad and terrible things, even up until this day. I hope that I can continue to be aware of these issues and find more ways to help be in the global picture.

2009 is going start of with some uncertainty. I've made my decisions to let go of my safety net. I will be leaving Calgary again for a few months. I think it will decide my path in my future, and I hope you guys will continue to support me.

Thank you! :)

To not be bothersome...

2008-09-28T15:01:32Z

I decided to make a more viewer-friendly blog on Fukuoka, since I would like to keep the details apart from LJ.

If you wish, you can read it here:
http://awashed-eternity.net/fukuoka/

Haha.. I should really update my main site page with links to all the random sites I have... Hasn't been updated for 3 years now hahaha

School

2008-09-24T15:01:42Z

Top 5 phrases I'm using:
1. sumimasen
2. arigatou gozaimasu
3. sou da ne
4. daijoubu desu
5. Hai (x 1000000)
Repeat those in any order and you can survive Japan XD

I think I've gotten a little used to life here, even though it's been less than a week^^;

I had my first japanese "date" today!! Or so I am calling it, meeting one of my mixi friends. It's the only guy penpal I have at the moment. We were going to go to a pasta place but it was closed, so somehow we ended up at Macdonalds. Haw haw. At least he paid for me XD We talked mostly in Japanese and I was somewhat surprised we got through. But, he was very patient, and I'm sure I made a zillion mistakes. He said he would take me for a drive to the beach sometime XD Well, whether that will actually happen... still, it was a nice few hours this evening!

Before that, earlier today I hung out with one of my classmates. We ate ramen with a high school student from Australia and then donuts. Then we went to the CD shop to check out Sheena Ringo CDs. He's an electrical engineering student from Oxford!!! @_@ I was like ... stunned there was an engineer... from Oxford!!! He's cute too XDDD But he returns at the end of this week buuuuuu

So ... today... ramen, donuts, mcdonalds... 2000+ calories? I think so... But full of conversation so it was a good trade(??)

The keitai I rented is cool in that it has a word scanner and bar code scanner, but not cool in that I can't send e-mails because of the limited functions for prepaid. :( Still I feel happy being able to receive text messages (AU customers only) from people^^

As for studying, I'm so screwed.
The material I'm doing right now is way too easy and lax.
If the next weeks lessons continue at this pace I am definitely going to fail.
It's going to take a lot of self studying. I have a feeling that's the only way... which would've kinda been a big waste since the whole point of coming here was to pass this bloody thing.. :/ Well... we'll see how it goes... Because I don't want to spend any more money with these extra tutoring courses they're advertising,.. but if the main course isn't sufficient I don't really have a choice...

Well, that's what I told the engineering guy today and he agreed. We're both used to really hard courses with tight deadlines so this is sort of a cakewalk... our course right now.

Fukuoka

2008-09-21T09:53:35Z

I arrived in Fukuoka without incident whew!

It was a really long flight, because I had to wait at airports for hours in between. The only thing that had me worried was in Calgary, when I went to check in, all the Air Canada computers were "down". Pretty impressive, huh? Even when I went to board, they were down, and were doing everything by hand. The administrator accounts were still up though, which probably means a server or two got busted? Well, the software loses points in AVAILABILITY that's for sure :P

When I arrived at Narita airport I made my first Japanese phone call (to the dormitory to tell them I was on time). I wrote it all down in a script, and had run it through dozens of times in my head but while I was talking my hands were shaking and I was stuttering. Because all these people were watching me!!

I got to Fukuoka pretty late and I was a zombie by then. The taxi driver didn't know where the address was but we managed to get there 25$ later. The owners are husband and wife and are very nice. I umm... already forgot their names though... I can't remember Japanese names very well.. most of the time I'm more worried about the conversation than their names eeeek

My dorm room is very small but it's comfortable, except for a huge mr spider who decided to visit me today. The only problem is the lack of electrical outlets. I have so many things I want to plug in but the room only has 4 and two are claimed by laptop and modem. I moved the mini-fridge to block the veranda so I could reach the other one and then put the lamp on top of the fridge. I guess the hair dryer, hair straightener, Ipod charger, DS charger and camera charger will have to take their turns :P

It's sooo hot and humid here. My penpals told me it was getting cooler so I worried and packed all these long-sleeved warm clothes. I'm in trouble hahahaa!!

It was raining this morning so I opted to stay in the neighborhood. I'm in a suburb outside of "downtown", if you will. It's pretty quiet here, although I'm literally 3 minutes away from the train station and "main street" where I can buy most things. Today I started off with Macdonalds (because that's the only thing that was open), went to Daiso and then the bakery.

In the afternoon I got bored and decided I couldn't wait for a haircut. I had been looking on Rasysa for Fukuoka salons but saw a lot on the main street so decided to try one. I went a quiet one on the second floor. Well, I discovered how bad my Japanese is HAHAHHA!! When I went to Tokyo it seemed so much better.. hahaha... Well, it was because people in this salon were trying their best to keep talking to me and I was like "durrrr" most of the time. I think I was "Hai"-ing way too much and they got the hint I didn't understand everything. Bwhaha. Well, I think I got a really good deal for 100$ (cut/color) but I think my hair's way too short (though I did tell them I thought my current one was too long for this humid weather). He cut everything in the back though :(

School starts tomorrow. I'm gonna do so bad on the placement test blehhh. My body feels really... not good. I've gotten so used to exercising every day, I need some kind of cardio. I guess I'll ask around to see if there's a gym nearby...

Actually, that's one thing I'm really grateful for. All my penpal friends gave me their telephone numbers in case I need help. PANIC! More Japanese phone calling! So.. I really hope I can rent a phone with text service... hahaha...

I have some pictures but since LJ needs me to upload them from another place and I'm too lazy to guess my domain password it won't be on LJ :B

Finished!

2008-09-13T20:34:58Z

I wrapped up my last day of work yesterday! Wholly uneventful, except the system went kersplosion in the afternoon so I spent the whole time chatting with my coworkers. There are on my team from Africa (three, if you count my boss), so I asked them to teach me some of their language. So I know the alphabet and 3 words in Yoruba XD WOOHOO! Hahaha! They have tones like in Chinese too! :O
'Bawo ni?' is 'how are you?'

Japanese was fun; my TA just found out that I was going, and he kept saying Fukuoka was a great place (...to drink hahaah)

I'm gonna try to super-cram this week and pack and then get ready (like memorize train and try to memorize everything I have to memorize on google maps and write down conversations in case of emergency). Then I leave Friday morning.

I'M FREE!!!

2008-09-02T06:07:21Z

So I pretty much spent the whole holiday monday getting rid of several trojans on my computer. But I finally got rid of them (and before midnight! HORRAH) It was of the variety that redirecting any search engine links and blocked all access to virus protection/security sites. In the state of panic, I even spent 40$ off a software (which better be useful... at least windows won't complain anymore about my pc being unprotected). So a big round of applause to mr macbook, mr external drive, and malwarebytes software (which was free, so I really did waste money!) But boy oh boy is my computer effed up. It cannot do any restores and can't load up safe mode. I'm really treading on eggshells.

My lesson to you is to look carefully when you press the X button for closing the popup :(

On to more interesting things!
Last Thursday we had a team-building event with my department. We went hiking to Nihani Trail, which was pretty awesome but super hard. It was all uphill from the very beginning and by the time I got to the ridge itself the wind was so strong it was going to blow me over the side (it's steep both sides) if I didn't crouch and look like an ape while walking for the last bit. The really fit people (like 5) made it to the top and over, but a lot of us decided to give up at 95% of the way there. And then there were the other half who never made it that far hahaha. So it was a fun half-day on Thursday :D

On Friday was our last half day of the summer :( I went on a shopping spree :D I bought these cool gothy shoes and running pants... so YEY I don't just have 80's looking shorts to wear anymore (and yes, teen boys have made fun of me while driving past me :( ) But it's gotten so cold now I wonder if I'll run out much anymore.

On Saturday was Oasis, as Prachi brought me along since her sister couldn't make it. We got really good floor seats. But I felt like such a poseur, I knew like... only the songs people sing at karaoke XDDD

Sunday I slacked off!

Monday was virus day. I also went to the zoo with James. So many baby animals!

I posted up on a Mixi forum a while ago to people wanting to make friends with foreigners in Fukuoka. Several people replied, which is really cool XDD
It's forcing me to write a lot of mail though, which is not so cool. It takes me sooooooooo long to finish one. I wonder if I'll be able to speed it up :o

Blah work's tomorrow but it's ALL GOOD because I'm virus freeeeeeeeeeee

Summer's almost over!

2008-08-22T05:17:32Z

I've been seeing the leaves turn yellow since the beginning of August! Noooo! This has been the shortest summer ever. Less than a month until Japan though- I'm going to start panicking once it sinks in (by the time it will be too late!)

I let my boss know about it last week; I told him as honestly as possible and requested a leave. Expectedly, he told me it was a really bad time to go, but I'm quite surprised he didn't flip. Actually he's trying to get me to stay (my request has to go through like 5 levels of management) so we'll see if I have any luck(?) It would be nice to know I won't be a total bum when I get back.

Speaking of work, I got a "Recognition Award" today :D Actually the whole team got it since we stay late all the time and some other people in my team work weekends regularly. The good thing is a cash amount --- which I plan to use as my food allowance in Japan XD

I finally finished the Dark Tower - omg... worst ending ever :( I think Stephen King used all the writing mechanisms you're not supposed to use -__- I can't believe I waited so many years for that.... :(

But, anyhow, I'm enjoying the Olympics! :D There's way too many sports to watch and it's definitely contributing to my lack of sleep though hahahaha

Wheww

2008-08-05T04:44:47Z

SUCH a busy week!!! Work was sooo exhausting but I had lots of extra-curricular to balance it out:

WEDS - went wall-climbing with a couple of people from work. i didn't have to belay since it was only my second time so i got to climb quite a few :D

THURS - went out with prachi/kiran and some other friends from university. ate persian food which was super filling, followed by wandering around downtown and coffee. because i was going out that night i decided to be 'smart' and do my daily jog at 5 in the morning. big mistake, i am so not a morning person. i was a zombie in front of the customer.

FRI - was half-day. but was too tired/sore from previous days so went home and zonked out.

SAT - went to brandur's house to play tennis/plan for japan trip. i'm gonna meet up with him and his friend for a few days in december and they seem dead-set on going to ryokan. (they're in totally remote places in tokyo mannn) i think they're in on going to osaka so i need to think of some plans there. we watched kung-fu panda and it was way better than i thought it would be! then we went to dessert house. i consumed like 900 calories from almond milk tea and black sesame paste :(

SUN - dinner with tommy/james, went to karaoke with jess, tommy, james, etc. GOOD TIMES!

MON - Went to chester lake @ kananaskis with jess, tommy, james, etc for day hike. we got super-harassed by mosquitoes but the day was really nice. had dinner in canmore after (we ate ice cream and sat on stairs over main street hahaha sounds so 'quaint')

and now i just finished reading wolves of the calla (FINALLY) hopefully i can finish song of susannah by the end of this week?

japanese studying has been put on hold! too busy! so tired!!!!

but fun :D

Batman!

2008-07-20T04:42:21Z

I lined up an hour early and ended up getting really good seats. I went with Prachi and Kiran today and it turned out to be a lot of fun. It's the first 'girls' date' I've had in years, I think. Where I could drool over Christian Bale freely and with encouragement :D I don't think I could've done it with guys! But hotness aside, the movie was so awesome and I'm glad I had been anticipating it for sooo lonnng.

We went to the Broken Plate afterwards where we pigged out and I'm certain I've smashed (excuse the pun) through my caloric limits. Prachi spent some 80$ by herself!

By the way, I'm trying to keep track of what I eat on http://www.thedailyplate.com/ (if you're on it, I'm bloodtail) I'm not sure how much I ate for dinner... probably near the 2000 calorie range but I put down 1600 just to make me feel better.. ha ha ha.. Man, that chocolate cake was soooo gooooodddd.

I've paid all my tuition for school, now I have to buy a plane ticket...Brandur and his friend are going to Tokyo in December so I think I'll be joining them for a week.. But this multi-flight ticket-finding business thing is so annoying... but hopefully I'll get it done soon! Next step- register for DEATH (the exam)

Drunken work day

2008-07-09T04:30:39Z

Today was Stampede lunch, the day in the year where everyone gets drunk and leaves work shortly after. I only had 3 coolers but somehow I was dizzy (though I wanted to keep it minimum so I could drive home early). Some people were on their 11+ beers. But I don't think anyone threw up in public this year so that's a plus! This year I was able to interact with more people. There's quite a few people from Ottawa, I've found, including a new intern student. Why he would want to come to Calgary to intern is beyond me :P

Sometimes my boss drives me nuts but here's a funny story. He got a co-worker to come to our project because we are so short on people. She's been in the company around 5 years and has worked with him before. He was loading on pressure for her to finish this application, like literally sitting behind her and watching her code all afternoon yesterday (he does that to everyone). So she decided to have a break and get some ice cream with her friend. She comes back and he's like "don't I get one?" and she said jokingly "well, I didn't buy an extra. All I have is this one". And so he takes it!! Hahahahahaha!!! So she had no ice cream. I can't believe it happened.. but it did and while he was eating her ice cream he turned to me and asked why I was looking so down (and the reason was I was really hating work at that moment and he had dumped another application on me) but I said nothing was wrong... so he said 'do you need a vacation? how many days do you have left?' And I replied, '5'. He said 'well, I can change that'. I thought he was being nice... because I was looking super depressed... but he said 'I can take them all away'. And he said that with the ice cream cone in his hand. Man... if there was ever an impulsive moment to do something violent, that was it.

I had Naoyuki help me with Japanese grammar on Sunday. It was quite helpful especially when he helped me think of examples to explain. The most encouraging part was when he forgot how to write 勉強. XDDD I was like "OHHHHH NOES!!!"

Backtracking, on Friday I went to Kensington with Prachi and Kimlin for lunch. I was finally able to try a Crave cupcake. My god... soooo good. Soooo fattening... but.. icing... mmm. Then I met up with James for coffee near his place. They actually make the leaf and swirly patterns in the coffee!

On Saturday, my singing teacher totally called on me for not practicing. She said I had the potential to reach her level in a year, but only if I practice every day. Yeah... I'm still not practicing every day... just once a week XD I should really get off my ass and do something about it (usually I am studying Japanese instead). There was also Jenna and Tasha's bday which was really nice... I also ate a billion cookies as it was a potluck!

After studying with Naoyuki I had dinner with Brandur at Shikiji. I think I need to keep going there until I've tried all the types of ramen... Because every time I play The World Ends With You I get hungry looking at all the picture of food.... gahhhh.... that game really is consumerism at its best!

Weekend

2008-06-23T00:23:18Z

There's a super cute (and tall!) korean waiter at Hikari on 16th ave!!
I think he's new because he was sooo polite and courteous to me and my parents. And every time he came he would say 'excuse me' and sort of bow. He came a billion times to our table because they kept giving us appetizers and soups and other stuff and also kept asking if we were doing okay. When he gave us the bill, he trepidantly asked us 'did you have a good time'? And then when we were done he led us all the way out of the restaurant and bowed at the door. It's the first time we ever got this in Calgary!!!! <333

Had a busy work week but mild weekend. Carolyn introduced me to some of her friends yesterday and they are super nice people (though I don't recall most of them being in compsci haha). I finally got The World Ends With You. I'm on the 5th Day right now and try as I might to master the fighting technique, the base instinct of button-mashing always seems to take over :P It's fun wandering Shibuya though!

I got over a dozen mosquito bites from waiting for Prachi in the park in downtown on Friday. These ones really hurt :(

Sneezy

2008-04-11T05:02:43Z

Man it took 3 hours to get to work today. I set out at 7:20, and by 10:30, I finally reached the office parking lot. RIDICULOUS!! The snow was pretty epic though... I don't know if you guys saw it, but there were some interesting sights going over the bridge on Crowchild - I saw several buses northbound Bow Trail all lined sideways across the road so no one could get through. Just after turn-off to Bow Trail east, was another bus with several other cars all stuck... and the next turn-off, a car stalled blocking all exits there. Then going up the hill after the bridge, cars were just scattered everywhere, empty. Then there was a jolly hour and a half-plus wait from Crowchild to Glenmore, where I discover the ramp to Glenmore has been closed due to two more bus accidents. -______-

Weather aside, I have 2 more weeks until vacation, yay! It will be a quick 2.5 day stop in Tokyo followed by Hong Kong for a few days, and then hopefully a little exploring in Hunan. My brother opted out on the trip (and will be killing rats in the lab again this year) so I'm just going with my parents. It's gonna be better than work, right? :P

Last week I bought two books by Tito Mukhopadhyay, a severely autistic writer/poet. Wow, it's very interesting, and after reading the poem on his homepage, I had to read his stuff. Recommended!

I've got a bad cold right now :( Me ears be plugged and my nose be red :(

Haha..

2008-03-27T04:36:41Z

Haven't written here for a while! Ha ha... haha...

I haven't been up to much lately! I finished off Apollo Justice and Professor Layton and am now envious of everyone with PSPs and their Crisis Core!! :( Whyyyyyy did they have to make it for PSP? :( Zack!!!! (I can't stop being fangirly for FF7... just not possible) My friend lent me Magna Carta, and it has fallen rapidly below my expectations... but hopefully I can reach the end!

I've lately gotten back into step of writing my story. The rough draft is here if you're curious, but I'm always going back to edit stuff, even though I haven't gone very far. I'm aware I have no writing skill but somehow I have to express what's in my mind; hopefully it makes sense to someone who is not me. Hahaha!

The intern and work and I have been talking a lot lately, and he's a really good guy (I didn't always think he would end up being a good friend when he first started) in that he's very socially aware. He's always picking up political science/economic/psychology books and really open-minded, so we like to go out for coffee and discuss things. I'm like 3 years behind, but if you haven't heard of Kiva.org, consider joining!

So, I bought the whole reprinted Dark Tower books, finally. I'm rereading the first few at the moment and I'm glad I'll be breezing right to the end instead of having to wait years like before!

BL GOODIES

2008-02-08T07:07:10Z

Every night before I go to bed, I try to listen to one BL drama for my daily "Japanese practice". I've been downloading them like mad lately, because several extremely awesome people on the internets have been uploading their whole collection. I'm storing about 8 gigs now, but that's nothing compared to them having 100 :O!! That's a lot of yaoi!!

I thought I'd share some of my favorites. Mind you, some of the better ones are 4+ discs long and I'm too lazy to upload them all. :P These ones are relatively short, are quite understandable (these I can understand about 95%) and have GOOD BL scenes (I'm pretty picky about them). HAHA I seem to like it when ukes enjoy what's going on. No "IYAADDAAAA"s for me.

Tokubetsu Lesson wa Mayonaka ni - (Koyasu Takehito x Miyata Kouki)
I was ranting about this over a year ago. At first I was like OMG THIS ROCKS!!!111 but now I think it's pretty cheesy in some scenes. :P Still, it's one of my favorites! It's about a high school boy, Junya, who goes to see a piano concert featuring a famous pianist, Akito. His friend has connections for them to meet Akito backstage. Junya is starstruck; he doesn't think twice to rush to the rescue when a maid accidentally drops hot tea on Akito's hands. Akito is impressed, and, upon learning Junya is an aspiring pianist, offers to become Junya's teacher even though he had always refused to take in any. Arrangements are made for Junya to stay at Akito's mansion to learn music, and from then on...

Kimagure Chef no Koi no Recipe (Koyasu Takehito x Kishio Daisuke)
Tomomi's lover left him three years ago without even a goodbye. Now, his best friend wants him to substitute for him in a recently-opened French restaurant. When they go for the interview to meet the staff, the chef comes out, and Tomomi recognizes him - his ex-boyfriend Ryousuke! Ryousuke tries to pretend that nothing has happened, and wants everything to go back the way it was before, but Tomomi keeps having doubts. Why did he leave him? Will things ever be the way it used to be?
This one is really cute. The H scenes are steamy too :D~

Hanon (Konishi Katsuyuki x Suzumura Kenichi, Hoshi Souichirou x Orikasa Ai)
I just listened to this one this week. Basically, anything with Konishi Katsuyuki in it is a MUST-DOWNLOAD. And Orikasa Ai! It's my first BL drama with a female seiyuu. And it's about PIANO! :D
Shou's an elementary school kid who thinks his piano teacher Kousaka-sensei is too strict!! Sensei always yells at his finger posture and makes him practice for hours. Depressed, Shou tells his older brother Ryo, who gets upset at Kousaka. He tells his younger brother they would go and set things straight. They go to meet Kousaka, but things don't go smoothly. Kousaka refuses to be nicer, telling Ryo that Shou should quit piano if he doesn't want to practice. Shou shoots back that his brother is a much better piano player than him, that he won the national piano competition six years back. Kousaka is astonished. Is Ryo the one he was entranced by with Lizst's Piano Concert No.1 back then? The one he lost against? Kousaka has always been depressed with the loss, because people always had high expectations for him, his mother being a famous musician and his father being a conductor. Kousaka agrees to be a better teacher. Meanwhile, he refuses to get Ryo out of his mind...
This is kinda a two part story. Part 1 is about Kousaka and Ryo and part 2 is Sho and his classmate Kei. I liked part 2 much better than 1 (cuz Kousaka was being so emo LOL)

Anyway, if you decide to try them out, enjoy :D

On a completely unrelated note, last week was my birthday. A lot of people went so I was really happy! ^^ James used his nice camera to take pictures. And I've hardly ever been photographed with a 'nice' camera before so I was really surprised that I turned out decent. I've always been envious of people who post fantastic pictures of themselves on the net. So while I'm still ugly, I'll let loose some vanity this time ha ha ha

Peoples!!!

Mmmm deep-fried ice cream :D~

I'm not sure what I was looking at

I like this pic but I think I see a double chin...

bloodtail @ 2008-01-21T21:47:00

2008-01-22T05:25:15Z

Been a bit snowy the last few days. Work is kinda blah at the moment. But I did get a VESTMENT from my company for surviving 6 months haHA

On Friday, Tom and I skipped Japanese class. I'm such a slacker HAHAHA. So we had an extended starbucks stay and then went to milestones. I bought a Radiohead CD and The Nightmare Before Christmas!! YAYYY!! It was a 2 CD set and the second one is a special with covers (the Marilyn Manson one is kinda funny) and early song demos. I've been meaning to buy it for the longest time. :D

On Sat I had my second vocal lesson with my mom. I think we'll be on tone and breathing exercises for a long time. I told the teacher I wanted to focus on more classical training while my mom wants to do pop stuff, so I'm not sure how that will work out. I sound super super weak right now but she said I have a wide range and I've got a bit of a headstart on breathing from playing clarinet so I guess what's left is practice my ass off. Can't let my mom beat me!!

Went to play Rock Band with James and his buddies in the evening. I enjoyed it very much, and I think I was a bit better at drums this time around hahaha. But singing's still the only thing I can do -_-

Was supposed to go skating at Bowness on Sunday but my friend cancelled because it was too cold. Maybe next week! I watched Cloverfield with another friend I haven't seen in a while in the evening. It was pretty good; I was surprised!

I got summoned for jury duty in a few weeks. Har.. har...

various stuff

2008-01-10T04:55:00Z

It's been a quiet past week. Things are slowly picking up again from the holidays; Chinese and Japanese will be starting soon, aerobics has begun again (although I was unable to sign up for workouts at work as it was full!), everyone's back at work and traffic sucks again!

I got to play Rock Band with Nathan's friends over the last weekend. It's really fun, although we played some songs a few too many times. I was doing mostly vocals; I suck soo bad on the drums. I wanted to buy all these clothes a few hours in and ended up spending most of the band's money HAHAHA.

I also went out with Brandur on Sunday for Indian food. Namskar on 16th is sooooo good!!! We paid 40$ each for the meal, but since we only do these outings occasionally and the food is so good, I'm okay with it :D We went to Sky's after, and there was a cute guy working there HAHAHA

Currently 90% finished Revenant Wings. I tried doing mission 9-4 and got my ass kicked. Gahhh!! It's frustrating when your party is in a huge clump and no one can move because someone's in their way and by the time I get them on an open path the boss is like KABOOOOOOOMM!! and there goes the mission. :( Basch is awesome as always though. I like his quickening (immune to attack) XD I think I'll super need it in battles to come.

The jdrama I'm watching right now is Iryu (医竜). It's decent but can be skipped. It has hotness in it though. :D I've seen him in 14才の母 but he's considerably hotter in this one. I guess the main character is hot too; he must be really familiar to those who watch dramas. :P

Last but not least, I was able to watch Kouhaku (4 gigs later). When will the females ever win? :P I was rooting for them!!! A few of them messed up really bad. The worst performance was Leah Dizon... wow, it was BAD!! And that's not just because I don't like her to begin with :P Otherwise it was awesome :D And there was Gackt! Is it just because I haven't seen him for a long time or does his nose look different???

This weekend my mom and I are gonna see if we can sign up for vocal lessons together. Hope so :P

bloodtail @ 2007-12-25T01:05:00

2007-12-25T08:18:45Z

How was everyone's Christmas Eve?
My day was very quiet. Tom gave me a QUATCHIE plush for Christmas which is SOOO AWESOME!! XD
My family had all these dinners to go to but I didn't, so I stayed home alone and played games *tear*

I finally finished FFXII... hahaha... I didn't fight the killer boss. The ending was really quick but I'm glad it's over.... because then I started Revenant Wings. I am on Chapter 3 now and I'm really enjoying it so far. I suck at realtime strategy so I'm pretty sure I'll be in trouble as the game proceeds, but the way they kept a lot of FFXII stuff is nice, like the history and lore.

I also finally got my brother's permission to install Lamento on his computer to see if it works. And it does! Since he was gone tonight I played a bit. The Japanese is omfg-way-too-hard. I daresay it's twice as hard as Hanamachi Monogatari. It's a shame I can hardly understand anything because the game is such high qualityT____T

And that's my boring Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas everyone, be safe :)

Angela Aki - Uchuu

2007-12-13T06:50:41Z

I'm sure the majority of you have this song already and have seen translations of it. I've never read another translation but I don't think mine's off. I'm trying to master this song for the piano right now and I stink in the middle. Bummer!

I have ONE more day left of work till the holidays. I'm sooo glad; I really need a vacation! I haven't started to pack for Vegas yet, but I figure there's 2 more days left. :P

Watched Golden Compass on the weekend. The CG, I really enjoyed. I'm really wary of how much of the story they will change to appease the Christian groups. What with all the angels and stuff in the third book. Lyra kinda irritated me in the movie, but all in all, it was a good watch.

Think there was a lot more I wanted to write... But I'm super sleepy now. -_-zz

Download song

Uchuu (means universe, space, cosmos... interpret as you will)

It was yesterday afternoon when I met her
At the hospital lobby
"My name is Uchuu"
She said.
She raised up her skirts made of stardust
And sat next to me.

"Why are you crying?" she asked
And tearfully, I replied,
"The person I love won't be coming back"

She said "Follow me". We went outside
And the scenery changed
Five moons hung from the sky
You were impossibly embracing me from behind
Like nothing had happened

The rocks beneath my feet were laughing with joy
She said to me with a smile,
"Daughter! Do you still believe in endings?"

You and I are living side by side
Uchuu Uchuu Uchuu Uchuu
Our consciousnesses are always entwined
Uchuu Uchuu Uchuu Uchuu

The last words she said to me were
"Eternity is Now"

宇宙 by Angela Aki

彼女に会ったのは　昨日の午後の事
病院のロビーで
「私の名前は宇宙と申します」
彼女は言うなり　星屑でできたスカートを持ち上げ
隣に座った

「何故泣いているの？」と聞かれて、涙を言葉にした
「愛する人がもう戻ってこないから」

「ついて来なさい」と言われ外に出た
景色が変わっていた
空には五つの月がぶら下がり
私の背後にいないはずのあなたが
何も無かったように抱きしめてくれた

足元の石が笑った　彼女も微笑んで言った
「娘よ　これでも終わりの信じるの？」

あなたと私はどこか平行に存在している
宇宙　宇宙　宇宙　宇宙　宇宙
あなたと私の意識はいつでも繋がっているんだ
宇宙　宇宙　宇宙　宇宙　宇宙

彼女が口にした最後の言葉は
「永遠とは今」

Chihiro Onitsuka - Angelina

2007-11-19T00:07:04Z

I guess I made it through my probation. Work's not going too good right now though. Office politics are exploding everywhere and I have to worry about it every day. If things go really bad, I don't have trouble envisioning our whole (small) team getting the boot (others are talking about us, apparently).

When it comes to studying Japanese, I'm getting super slack. I'm not even taking it this year, I say to myself, why should I study when I can play Phoenix Wright (I belatedly got the 3rd one) or practice Angela Aki on piano? Well, I can't think of an argument against that, except that I feel super stupid when I'm with the study group and they're understanding all these cryptic sentences and kanji. Speaking of which, I really hate those reading comprehension essays.

As for Mandarin, I don't really feel I've gotten anywhere. Not that I'm exactly studying. Hahahha. I just rely on my Cantonese to pronounce things semi-right and that gets me through the class as much as the student who doesn't know any Chinese. How's that for integrity? :P Our teacher likes to tell stories so her stories usually take up at least 20-30 minutes of class. It feels really slow sometimes.

Spanish, we're still learning how to pronounce stuff. They say everything in Spanish though, so no English explanations. I think we won't be doing much until January, but I have a feeling I'm going twice as fast in Spanish than in Chinese.

My coworker is trying to get me to learn Korean (he is a beginner himself). He says there aren't any Korean courses in Calgary other than a very new one in some school I forget. I looked at the textbooks online and they're pretty expensive. :( Well, I'm definitely interested in learning, it's just a matter of dropping the money (hahaha how come I don't question myself when it comes to buying music and games online?)

The company Christmas party is coming up this week.
I dunno what to wear!!!

Angelina

I want something to support me
But it doesn't mean that I want Balance
I am not dead yet

I want the gaps to be filled with flowers
All covered yet not choked by them
I am not dead yet
Not dead yet

This emptiness is mine alone
With all my loneliness and complaints,
Who will love me, one who doesn't love?
Who will love me, one who needs to be loved?

I want a flame to walk with in the darkness
I don't need too much strength
Just enough to be able to stand up again
To be able to stand up again

This loneliness is mine alone
For the sake of enduring my pain and words,
Who will love me, one who doesn't love?
Because I am not an answer
Continuing to go through the land that stretches before my eyes,
Who will love me, one who doesn't love?
Who will love me, one who needs to be loved?

I want a light to shine on my wounds
I won't be afraid of any shadows that appear
I am not dead yet
Not dead yet

This emptiness is mine alone
With all my loneliness and complaints,
Who will love me, one who doesn't love?
Because I'm not just a name
Because I'm not just an ornament or manequinn
Who will love me, one who doesn't love?
Who will love me, one who needs to be loved?

裏付けられたものが欲しい
バランスを望むわけじゃない
私はまだ死んではいない

隙間を埋める花々が欲しい
満ちても麻痺するばかりじゃない
私はまだ死んではいない
死んではいない

この空白は私だけのもの
孤独も弱音も全て
私が愛さなくて誰が愛する？
私が愛さなければ誰がそれを愛するの？

暗闇を歩く炎が欲しい
余計なだけの力はいらない
次第にまた立ち上がれる
立ち上がれる

この寂しさは私だけのもの
痛みや言葉に耐えるため
私が愛さなくて誰が愛する？
私は答えなんかじゃないし
目の前に続く地をただ行くため
私が愛さなくて誰が愛する？
私が愛さなければ誰がそれを愛するの？

傷口を照らす光りが欲しい
どんな影にも怯えたりしない
私はまだ死んではいない
死んではいない

この空白は私だけのもの
孤独も弱音も全て
私が愛さなくて誰が愛する？
私は名前なんかじゃないし
飾りや模型なんかじゃない
私が愛さなくて誰が愛する？
私が愛さなければ誰がそれを愛するの？

I wanna translate more of her songs.
They're kinda hard for me though -___-;

More boring stuff

2007-10-28T19:13:32Z

- I think I'm going to Las Vegas for Christmas (or the week before). I haven't got the OK from my manager yet but Nathan's friend has already paid for all of us (8 people) so I guess it's a go. :) I've never done a friends-group trip before, and to be honest I don't know Nathan's friends too well, but I'm looking forward to it!

- I got sick last week (ironically on the day of the company flu shots). The cold seems to be gone but I keep coughing uncontrollably. I think that's all you can hear in the office... me coughing and sneezing.

- Studying with a subgroup from Japanese for JLPT 2. Most of them are taking it this December but I'm just tagging along for the learning. Hopefully I'll be fully up to snuff by next year. They're flying through the material right now and I'm having a hard time catching up to all the kanji. One really nice thing they're doing is that they're sharing all the textbooks, so I can keep practicing when it's all over.

- Colm Wilkinson tomorrow!! We bought tickets for my dad yesterday so I guess he'll be going too.. He'll just be 3 floors away on the balcony. XDDD

- Throat-singing is cool.